Blackhawks at Vancouver - Loss Recap

"One Day At A Time"



Wasn't that refreshing? A nice little break is just what I needed, I know that. Back to hockey, and shenanigans aside, the Hawks needed that break to let some banged up players heal. If you were going to write this story, you would have arranged the injuries of the Captain and Alternate Captain around a week long break. Thank you Hockey Gods! The Hawks also made a move to add a little depth at Center, for Brendan "Tommy Gunn" Morrison. He was made his Hawks debut in Vancouver, against his former team. NHL story line writers, this is where you insert game winning goal by Tommy Gunn. Just a suggestion. I guess it was a little too late.

For those of you that aren't old as dirt, like I am, the title and picture refer to a popular late 70's/early 80's sitcom, in which a creepy apartment maintenance guy, named "Schneider", befriends a single mom and her kids. How's that for a sign of the times? Moving on, The first period of last night's game definitely showed a little rust with both teams, but especially by the Hawks. They were out shot 12-9, but luckily only surrendered one goal. They did a nice job of coming back after the Canucks opened the scoring, though. The Hawks started out the second giving up a big chance, but came back and out shot the Canuck 14-6 in the frame. Unfortunately, they weren't able to beat the Canucks goaltender. The third period was a fairly even with the Hawks outshooting the Canucks 12-10, and each team getting a goal, but this one was going to need extra time to decide who was going to get the extra point. The Hawks had excellent chances in OT, but in the end, the Canucks took advantage of some soft coverage and won the game.

The Good

• MegaMayers tied the game up for the Hawks, after they lost momentum, in the first period. He took a pass that was intended for Kaner and drove it back into the slot, beating Schneider. Nice to see his hard work paying off.
• Stalberg had 3 excellent chances in the second period along, and was stopped on all three. He reminds me of the Blonde Playboy tramps; All that talent and nothing upstairs.
• On what seemed like his 50th chance of the night, Vik Stalberg scored his 15th goal of the year off Alex Edler's ass, and past Schneider. The first line was all over the Canucks at that point, but Toews and Kane just couldn't finsh.
• El Capitan made a move that was absolutely undressed Edler, in OT, with a little Shake-n-Bake move, but wasn't able to finish.
• Not to take away from Schneider's play, but Crawford had a very good night, himself. None of the three goals could be hung on his hook. He faced a deflection, a break-a-way, and piss poor coverage in OT. For all those calling for his head on a stake, you have to give him his due when he plays well, and the point blank stop on Sedin, in OT was a total theft.
• All in all, the Hawks played a fairly solid game, after a week off, on the road, in Vancouver. They got a point, right? Let's not panic, but we can expect better.

The Bad

• Hammer picked up where he left off last week, opening the game by not handling Hossa's tweener pass, which Crawford had to bail him out.
• The Hawks failed Crawford miserably when the top line couldn't get the puck out of the zone, and it ended up on the stick of Kesler. Keith got caught in no mans land, and redirected the shot off the shaft of his stick. Great job backing your goalie up after he just made 3 or 4 big stops. The Hawks wingers were guilty of heading out of the zone before they had full control of the puck and it bit them in the ass.
• Tommy Gunn's first few Blackhawks shifts were pretty awful. He iced the puck badly on the powerplay, and then turned over the puck a few times in the Hawks zone. He is, by no means, a bust, but he was looking a little rough around the edges, early.
• Cody Hodgson tied the game back up, for the Canucks, when the Hawks all got mesmerized by Vik Stalberg's bad stickhandling and eventual turnover at the Vancouver blue line, and let Hodgson sneak in behind them for the break-a-way goal. You have to point the finger at Seabrook and Keith, because they were certainly napping, or admiring Vik's stunning good looks.

The Ugly

• The guy that sung the national anthems was brutal. I don't know WHO he was, or what his qualifications were, but he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. That was the most flat version of those songs that I've ever heard. I guess it was better than the "Fat Gallagher" that usually does the Canadian one.
• The Hawks lost 19 of 23 face-offs in the first period. OUCH! Overall, they were absolutely gang raped at the dot with the top 3 centers all turning in a 35%, or below, performance for the game.
• Hey, Powerplay? YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! It's still fucked in a bad way.
• Keith, Seabrook, Bolland, and Kane all left Daniel Sedin wide open, 3 feet in front of Crawford, IN OT, and he took a pass from his brother to win the game. How do you NOT cover that creepy ginger? Was Bolland trying to cover him with The Force?
• You wouldn't know he even played, but Big Slow WAS on the ice for his 5 minutes of fame. Five minutes and twenty one seconds, to be exact. What you DID notice, though, was the fact that other D-Men had to rotate in to cover for Scott, because he doesn't have enough talent to be on the ice in a tight game. He didn't see the ice after the middle of the second period. And Sami Lepisto still sits in the press box. Don't give me any of that "toughness" bullshit, either, because the Hawks were outhit 33-16 and Andrew Shaw was ragdolled all night long.

Here are your video highlights:

Blackhawks at Vancouver - Win Recap

"You're So Vain"



Thus begins the infamous "Circus Trip", that is named so, not as a reflection of the Blackhawks play, but because an ACTUAL circus inhabits the UC while they are gone. I know, much could be said regarding the Blackhawks powerplay and it's likeness to a circus, as well. Let's just say this circus has stinky animals...scratch that...the Hawks currently employ a 6'8", 270 lb stinky fucking gorilla.

Let's get to the subject at hand; game one of the western swing (Kaner, Stalberg and Sharpie's eyes just lit up). I digress, last night the Hawks visited the hated Vancouver Canucks in their home confines. While the Canucks were struggling to stay at .500 for the season, they had previously whipped the Hawks 6-2 in the UC. This time around the Canucks were without Bobby Lu, who was out with a sore groin (insert joke here). For the Blackhawks, they were without the services of defensive stud Brent Seabrook, who went awkwardly into the boards the previous game. It's been made clear that THESE games are now going to be the grudge match games, and if the Red wings get lost in the realignment, they will be even bigger.
The game opened up with a torrid pace. Chances were abound but neither team could put a puck in the net. Even though the Hawks outshot Vancouver 8-7, this style favored the home team. This bit the Hawks in the ass just 38 seconds into the second period, as the Canucks went up 1-0, but they were able to score a couple of powerplay chances to end the second up 2-1. In the third period, the Blackhawks blew the game wide open scoring 3 goals, which was beautiful. Big win!

The Good

• Bruno scored his 4th of the season, on the powerplay no less, on a feed from Kruger no less. This tied the game up at one's. Listen to THIS powerplay line, folks: Bruno, Kruger, Frank the Tank, Pistol and Leddy. It's like some alternate universe, where the most asinine combinations work best.
• The powerplay struck again, and this time the first unit, in the middle of the first. Kaner took the puck hard to the net, from the right boards, and threw the puck towards the net. It deflected off a defenders stick, and Toews either tied up the defender or helped direct it in. Either way, take it.
• Early on, Quenneville actually made a line change that I did't immediately loath. He moved Bruno to the third line with Bolland and Frolik, then moved Bickell to the forth line with Mayers and Kruger.
• The Hawks held things together in the third long enough for Boss to make a game changing play. He turned on the burners outracing two defenders to get to the puck deep in the Canucks zone and pushed it across the slot to Stalberg. Stalberg gave it right back to El Capitan smack dab in the middle of the slot, who had a gaping net due to Schneider's over pursuit of the initial Hoss pass. 3-1 Hawks.
• Just a few mere minutes after the Tazer goal, it looked as though Car Bomb smashed a Sharpie rebound right past Schneider, to put the Hawks up 4-1, but the goal was credited to Shooter. Nonetheless, The play started with a Kaner break-a-way where he was visibly slashed, and should have been given a penalty shot, but the puck eventually ended up on the stick of Sharpie who sent it to the net.
• Frank the Tank kept up his goal streak off a pretty backhand pass from Boss, to put the Hawks up 5-1. Nice to see the Hawks respond with some fire after the Sedin cheap shot. Three goals is what I call a response.
• The Hawks were commendable in the circles all night, except Kruger who didn't win a single faceoff, at 0-7.
• Even though I posted this up last night on the Facebook, and Twatter, I had to post it again, because this picture is HILARIOUS!:
  

The Bad

• After a couple of great early chances both ways, Marcus Kruger came in on a 2-on-1 and tried to force a horrible pass which resulted in no shot at all. Maybe that's why Kruger was moved from 3rd line center to 4th line center after only a few minutes.
• Most combinations of Deuce, Hammer, Tank and Leddy are all fine and well with me, but if I'm standing in the Hawks net and I see the numbers 32 and 20 in front of me, I'm a little worried.
• Thirty Eight seconds into the second period and the Canucks took the lead, 1-0. The whole play began with Nick Leddy's happy feet getting him caught far too deep in the offensive zone, leaving Hammer to fend off the Crimson Twins and Jannick Hansen. You can imagine how that turned out. The Puck AND Hammer ended up in the net. This is not the time to take stupid chances and leave your partner hung out to dry, kid. Granted there is the argument that the forwards didn't rotate back, but Leddy needs to be smarter than that.
• I'm not going to waste this good mood on Big Slow's meager and useless 8 minutes of TOI. Even though the only shift he played in the third was the one in the last minute, when the game was far out of hand, and the trio of Big Slow, Car Bomb, and Megamind where stuck out thee to try and deter the asshats from doing anything stupid to a Hawks skill player. That's confidence in a 6th D-man, and forcing your back end to roll only 5 guys, for you.
• Even though the Hawks had a much better third period, they can't maintain this level of getting out shot all trip.
• If Hammer doesn't learn to actually hit someone, I'm going to pull my fucking hair out. Well, theoretically. I've tired of watching a 6'3" 207lb man NOT hit anyone. With Seabrook in the cheap seats, someone needs to hit an opponent. He had his chance to clean Sedin's clock, after he jacked the poor guy in the balls, and really did nothing but shove him around a little bit. I'm SURE this is the reason w saw Frank the Tank out on the ice with Deuce, later in the game. Tank will hit someone. That's not just coincidence.

The Ugly

• I'm not sure why the hell they were so foggy, but the Hawks almost got 2 or 3 "too many men" penalties in the first period. That's just pure laziness. Tighten up, gentlemen.
• Not only did they blow a 2-on-1 in the first, but Kane, Car Bomb, and Keith blew a 3-on-1 delayed penalty chance in the middle of the second. THEY DIDNT EVEN GET A SHOT OFF. Yes, Yes, Keith was agitated from behind a little bit, but that's a 3-on-1. You can't blow chances that good, on the road!
• The Hawks third powerplay wasn't as successful as the first two, and Duncan Keith had an AWFUL turnover that led to ANOTHER shorthanded chance against. This time is was a break-a-way. Lucky for Keith that Crawford was dialed in, because Hansen pulled away, and into the clear; fast.
• Daniel Sedin is a gutless little fucking punk for spearing Crawford in the balls when he can't protect himself. That's where Hammer needs to grow a set of balls himself and lay Sedin the hell out. That's completely unacceptable, and he got away with it.

Here are your video highlights:

Blackhawks vs Canucks - Loss Recap

"Mass Chaos"


"Noogie Time"

Back in sweet home Chicago, the Hawks had a tilt against the hated Vancouver Canucks. The Canucks weren't exactly lighting the league on fire, before this game. They were 6-7-1, and having trouble keeping the puck out of the net. With the Sedins, Kesler, and Luongo in net, they are always dangerous to break out of the slump. The Hawks were coming off a 5-4 OT loss that was high disappointing, because they blew a 2 goal second period lead. Of course, this was all done with Ray Emery in net and Duncan Keith watching from the press box, so all is not lost. They were able to get 3 our of 4 points, without their top defender.

The Hawks were VERY lucky to come out of the first period tied. They were grossly outplayed and outshot, yet the score stood at 1-1. This is where they need to come out the next period with purpose, but that sure didn't happen. The Hawks opened the second giving up 3 more powerplay goals, while generating zero PP chances themselves, and just make sure we were watching, they gave up another late PP goal. The Hawks did get one goal, but that only lasted 43 seconds, as the Canucks answered. The third period was just a formality, and the Hawks left 6-2 losers. sometimes teams lay eggs, and the Hawks laid a big Sunday afternoon egg, here.

The Good

• It looks like all that Frodo needed to break that snakebitten streak is Bobby Lu. Frodo innocently skated up the left boards and threw the puck at the net. That's where the theatrics began. Lu was trying to do SOMETHING, I'm not sure what, and the puck hit the inside of his pad, and dribbled into the net. 20,000 people collectively pissed their pants laughing simultaneously. There is no goalie that is more fun to watch give up soft as babyshit goals that Bobby Lu.
• It was clear that Car Bomb was going to fight someone this game, from the moment he was signed, and that was certainly the case. At the 13 minute mark of the second period, Carcillo hit the Canucks Volpatti, and it was game on. Car Bomb got one real good lick in, but it was pretty much a draw and hugfest.
• Just when all was quiet, Marco Krugs picked up a MegaMayers rebound and put it into the net. It was a pretty simple play by the Hawks 4th line, against the Canucks 4th line. Stalberg took a pass and stepped into the zone. He hit MegaMayers with a nice pass, who fired it on net. Bobby Lu kicked the rebound out and Krugs poked it in.
• At least we were privy to watching MegaMayers tenderize Bieksa's face. I really hate that guy.

The Bad

• The Hawks spent the majority of the first period looking at the numbers of the Canucks jerseys as they skated past the Hawks defense. This was a sign of things to come.
• The Canucks were the first to get on the board, in the first, with David Booth getting his first goal of the year. The initial shot was saved by Crawford, but the rebound popped right back out to Booth, who finished. Lurch got caught in no man's land, because Bolly was late coming to help down low. If Bolly was down low helping, Lurch could have pressured the passer a little more. As it stood, Higgins could have walked the puck out, but didn't. He forced a pass that never should have gotten through, and got lucky.
• The Canucks were CLEARLY out to hit the Hawks and hit them HARD. A number of Hawks were ragdolled in the first period, including Mr. "I want to hit the Canucks", Car Bomb. I fully expected him to get up swinging, and nothing. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. He made up for it later, with 21 minutes in penalties. Car Bomb meltdown #1.
• The Canucks cashed in on a stupid late first period Kaner roughing infraction, that rolled over into the second. Aaron Rome took a passed that missed Booth, and had all day to tee it up. He then cleanly beat Crawford. The PK unit got caught watching the puck and were all standing in the same quarter of the Hawks zone. Once the puck squirted out, there wasn't a defender anywhere close to Rome.
• Dan Sedin put the Canucks up 3-1 on their 3rd powerplay tally of the night, while the Hawks were killing another bad penalty, this time by Bolly. Crawford was able to take on the initial shot from the point, but when the rebound popped right back out to Henrick Sedin. He then dumped it to Daniel who was on the back door wide open. Crawford got tied up in front with Kesler, and wasn't able to make it across. Seabrook was the only player that had a shot at saving it, and wasn't nearly close enough.
• Forty three seconds after the Kruger goal, the Canucks went back up by two. It was a simple enough 3 on 3 play and the Hawks just didn't cover their guys. Bickell tried to get back, but ended up taking Crawford out of the play, and Hansen had a wide open cage.
• The Canucks 4th powerplay goal of the night was on a Vik Stalberg high sticking penalty. The Hawks PK was just worn down, and completely eaten alive. Dan Hamhuis was the lucky recipient of a prime chance high in the slot,and blew it by Crawford.
• There is no way the Blackhawks had 20 shots on net in the second period. Just NO WAY!
• Henrik Sedin put the Blackhawks away with a 5th PP goal of the night. How fucking embarrassing. Not even worth analyzing.
• Car Bomb had 2 penalty minutes before last night. He earned 21 last night. YOWZA.

The Ugly

• Like there is any question, here. 5 powerplay goals against. Brutal and pathetic. Get your shit together, boys.
• Right behind that is the Hawks powerplay, which has fallen back into complete disarray. This begs to question just how helpful Soupie was on the powerplay.
• Stupid penalties killed the Hawks. Kaner and Bolly specifically took back penalties after the whistle, while the Canucks were taking the body during play. Those post whistle infractions will kill you every time.

Here are your video highlights:

Three Weddings and a Funeral

Goodnight, Irene.


The Chicago Blackhawks were on the verge of becoming the only the fourth team in NHL history to come back from an 0-3 deficit, and at this point, there is no reason for fans to be greedy or cocky. No one expected anything from this team after the average regular season they had. Granted, 97 points is nothing to sneeze at, but it wasn't pretty or inspiring, whatsoever. YET, here they were, after battling back from the dead, they made us notice them again, and earned our trust back. The cherry on top would make all Hawks fans rabid, once again. We're all still out here, and we're still breathing. Did Vancouver "sweep the leg" with the Torres hit? The story was played out last night.

The Hawks looked like a team that has been through a long emotional series, in the first period. There were jitters, mistakes, and finally a goal against on a great Vancouver play. The stats said that the Hawks outshot Vancouver 12-8, but I just don't buy it. The second period looked much like the first, with the Hawks seemingly giving up many more chances against, and the Canucks having the edge in physical play. None of the fire burned, but they were going to be tired for the third. The only good thing is that they were within one goal. The third followed suit to the first two period, as the Canucks pretty much dominated. Again, the stats said that the Hawks held the edge, but that's just not how the actual action was. The Hawks caught a break with about two minutes left in the third, and scored a shorthander to send us to a second overtime game in a row. The Hawks had their chances in OT and couldn't cash in. In the end, costly turnover in their own zone sent the Hawks home for the summer. Hey, they made it one more game than I had expected. Nothing to be disappointed about here. Canucks, as much as I LOATHE you, this is what was suppose to happen, and it was suppose to be MUCH easier.

I want to get sentimental for a second and thank all the fans that take the time to come real my silly recaps and rants. I hope that I made you all smile a few times, and I've learned a lot, this year. I can't wait to start next season's recaps, already.

The Good

• Crawford was his usual cool, calm and collected self, despite the onslaught of Canucks chances. He had a slight cross up on the second period powerplay, but he bailed the Hawks players out many more times. He's been completely unflappable. The three save flurry with about 6 minutes left in the third was as clutch as clutch can be. I was SURE they were going to score on that one. Whatever salary he commands this summer, is WELL deserved. Tell me he doesn't and I will show you THIS PLAY, over and over.
  
• The fourth line of Pisani/Kruger/Johnson was actually the best Hawks line of the first two periods, which is not what you're looking for. For the first time all year, Kruger LOOKED like and NHLer.
  
• It took the Hawks 58 minutes, and a powerplay against, for El Capitan to find his scoring touch. He singlehandedly took the puck through three Vancouver defenders and to the net, and then threw it to Boss 81. Boss chucked it at Borat, and Tazer picked up the rebound, while on his knees, and put it into the net to tie up the game and put it into overtime. Even when he's struggling to put the puck in the net, he's still got balls of steel. Game 7, Shorthanded, on the road, down 1-0 with under two minutes remaining. That's clutch, people.

The Bad

• The Canucks were out to hit all people in red, and opened up the scoring with almost 3 minutes in, as they caught the Blackhawks in a bad change. Kesler made a great move around Deuce and fed Burrows, who had a MONSTER game, for a back door goal that saw Leddy getting a little too deep in his own end. Not how you open up a game 7 on the road.
  
• The Hawks got away with several bad turnovers, in the first period, but none really bit them in the ass. They were definitely playing with fire and it was getting HOT! They were out hit, and the Canucks also blocked more shots.
  
• I STILL dislike this first PK pairing of Deuce and Stromboli. The second pairing was Soupie and Hammer, which makes me think that Seabrook still isn't 100%, because his big body needs to be out there on the PK.
  
• As much as Kane tried to avoid ANY contact at all, he got blasted with a high check in the third, and he just laid down on the ice like a slug. This all led to the final Deuce penalty, late in a 1-0 game. You're a money man, Kaner, it's time you did a "Kesler" and hustle your ass off the rink, or get in the fucking play. Instead, he pouted like a 10 year old, and almost cost his team a goal. If you're not getting a whistle for becoming a grasshopper on the Canuck's windshield, recognize that and adapt. Your legs are feeling that drunken past summer, now, aren't they? It looked like he was going to cry, while he was on the bench getting attended to.

The Ugly

• The Hawks got their first powerplay in the second half of the second period and it was TERRIBLE. They gave up at least two solid shorthanded chances against, and none of their own.
  
• The Hawks were out shot 15-6 in the second and things were going from bad to worse. Blame it on the long changes or whatever you'd like, but it was a ROUGH period, and the Hawks LOOKED tired.
  
• With under twenty seconds gone in the third, Hossa's misguided pass led to a Burrows breakaway back the other way, similar to the Stalberg pass a few weeks ago that led to the Hawks losing a game. Deuce had to pull Burrows down for a penalty shot. You can't fault Deuce for that, at all. Crow shut the door, and the game was still 1-0 for the moment.
  
• Other than that game tying goal, did ANYONE notice the Cash Money Millionaires out there? This is a HUGE game, and maybe you don't score, but you HAVE to create chances.
  
• PAT! PLEASE? Shut the FUCK UP with your "Where's Daniel", and "Where's Henrik?". Seven games of that shit is making me want to blaze my remote through the TV. You're better than that, for fuck's sakes.
  
• The Hawks had a prime powerplay chance in the overtime, and managed a nice chance, but never settled in the Canuck's zone, like they wanted. In the end, that was probably the death of them. Game on the stick of your leading goal scorer, in OT, on the powerplay, with no one near him, and he shot it right into Bobby Lu's gut.
  
• AAAAAAAND it all ended on a lazy Stromboli turnover, in his own zone, to Alex Burrows, who took a few strides and blew it past Crow. Season over, thanks for playing. He had plenty of options, but Burrows made a nice play to grab the puck out of mid air, throw it to his stick and finish.

Here are the video highlights for your viewing pleasure:

You Hear That, Mr. Anderson? That is the Sound of Inevitability

"Throw your tens up, and keep'em right there"


I can't say I'm disappointed that we're still alive and breathing. Before game one I said that the Canucks would win in six games, and I sincerely did't want to go down that way. The Hawks were living on borrowed time, at this point, and had nothing to lose. To add to the chaos, it was announced that Borat wasn't starting for Vancouver. HUGE news for the Hawks, but that didn't stick. More on that later. Lets roll, Boys!

The first period didn't open up like the Hawks would want, with Vancouver opening up a 1-0 lead just a few moments in, but the Hawks answered in the last quarter of the period to tie it up. Unfortunately, the Canucks turned another Blackhawks turnover into a goal, and went into the first break up 2-1. The second period was a little more tame, as the Hawks tied up the game, but that was about it. The Hawks failed on SEVERAL powerplays, which usually has a way of eating them up. The third would tell the tale. The third period yielded a goal each way with the Canucks scoring just under a minute into the period, and the Hawks scoring on a penalty shot. If the Hawks were going down, it was going to be in overtime. On to OT! The Hawks showed that they weren't going down easy, and with the help of a few posts and lucky plays, they won it with about four and a half minutes left in OT. On to Vancouver for game 7!!!!!

The Good

• The game didn't even start and the Hawks had GREAT news. Brent Seabrook would be back in the lineup and Bobby Lu would be on the bench. Those could be two huge developments for the Blackhawks, that could swing the game heavily in their direction. Bobby Lu couldn't get far enough away from the Hawks, when Cory Schneider broke his wishbone, and Borat was brought in, sore bunghole and all.
  
• One Trick Bick "did what he does", and opened up the Hawks scoring, after Davey Bolland absolutely railroaded Dan Hamhuis, straight up the gullet, behind the net. The hit resulted in Hammy panicking, rushing a pass, which ended up five feet in front of the net on Bickell's stick. 1-1 and they were even again.
  
• El Capitan undressed Andrew Alberts in a QUITE embarrassing manner, but Cory Schneider bailed Alberts out. Would have been a goal of the year candidate, had he scored, but, alas, it was not to be.
  
• Bolly tied up the game, in the second, off a turnover by puckhandler extraordinaire Cory Schneider. The turnover was forced by Stalberg, and picked off by Kaner, who fed Bolland for a taste of the back of the cage. Two huge Canucks turnovers behind their own net, and two huge Hawks goals as a result of tenacious Hawks forechecking.
  
• Frodo the Magnificent made his biggest play as a Blackhawk with four minutes into the third period. He got a step on the Kevin Bieksa and drew a tripping penalty that resulted in a penalty shot. Frodo not only beat Schneider on the penalty shot, but the resulting save attempt hurt Schneider's pride, or broke his twig-n-berries. Back in comes Borat.
  
• It took about 88 plus games for Bickell to use that big body to separate someone from the puck, and Douchebag Bieksa was the lucky recipient. Couldn't have happened to a better guy. How is that jaw treating you now, Fucktard?
  
• Ben Smith put the Hawks into game 7 after picking up a Hammer rebound and backhanding it up and over an ice humping Borat. The play was set up by a Boss 81 dump off to Hammer, after fighting through three Vancouver defenders on his back and various appendages. Game 7, here we come!!!!
  
• Anyone who wants to mention the name Antti Niemi can now officially swipe Corey Crawford's taint, with one long swipe of the tongue. He's been the Hawks best player, most night, and he's singlehandedly squashed any and all talk of Marty Turco, or any other goalie, for that matter. The guy is a legitimate stud and has ice water in his veins. Unlike last year, there isn't a time where I doubted Crawford's abilities.
  
• The Hawks consistently face raped the Canucks, at the dots, for the night. The only Canucks player to go positive was Ryan Kesler, and that wasn't by much (51%). Bolly had a rough night, going 8-21 (38%), but everything else he did made up for it.

The Bad

• This one started with a puck in the back of the Hawks net, a couple of minutes in. Daniel Sedin banked one off and Hawks defender's stick and then off Crow, from behind the net. The whole play starting with Hammer throwing it up the middle of the ice, which is apparently a stellar idea. If you're a Canuck forward. We all saw the result. 1-0, Canucks.
  
• Opening up the penalty kill with Deuce and Stromboli isn't one Dr. Linebender's best ideas, but it worked out in the end. Let's hope we don't see that combo in game 7.
  
• As stupid of a play as it was, the Big Show choke slam on Burrows was hilarious. If you didn't laugh at that, you have NO sense of humor. Luckily, he got away with it, but it inspired Burrows to have his best game of the series, and probably of his playoff life. Momentum, young Big Show; Momentum. After that WWE style move, Big Show didn't see the ice again, and we're all grateful. Fifty nine seconds of glory, and not playing Show the rest of the game was Dr. Linebender's best move of the game.
  
• Inside two minutes left in the first and Burrows made up for the Big Show choke slam, by cashing on a Stromboli turn over right in front of Crow. Stromboli half whiffed on a clearing pass and it landed right on Burrow's stick. He just snapped it into the net from about 15 feet out. That took the life out of the UC crowd, and Crow needed to make that one. There wasn't anything extraordinary about that shot.
  
• Fifty eight seconds into the third and the old Hawks reared their ugly heads by giving up a 4-on-4 goal that was an odd man break. Tazer couldn't get back in enough time, and the Nucks were knocking on the door of round two.
  
• The technical difficulties really sucked, but listening to Pat Foley do his radio call brought back memories. Pat Foley on Hawks radio was priceless.
  
• When Schneider went out with an injury, we all thought that the injured Borat would be a soft target. Unfortunately, they could only throw a measly 2 shots at him in the third period. That made it WAY too easy on him. Makes you wonder if he really had a "tight back" or if he was TOLD that he had one; if you catch my drift. Saving 12 out of 13, hurt, and cold in relief is not too bad.
  
• The Ginger Twins? Combined minus 4, for a grand total of minus 13 in the Hawks wins. I gotta tell you, guys, as CLUTCH it gets!

The Ugly

• How many times has has the glass come loose in the UC? Have we not learned the art of putting up and taking down a rink? It's to a point where it's embarrassing.
  
• I need someone to explain to me how Troy Brouwer can be "slew footed" in plain sight, and not draw a call, but immediately be called for a chintzy high sticking call. The Hawks killed the powerplay thanks to some luck, but it was some complete horseshit!
  
• The Hawks MIGHT be the worst team in the league with the two man advantage. I can't really tell you WHY, but they SUCK at it. It's times like that when you wish you could decline a powerplay. Completely unacceptable!

Here are the video highlights for your viewing pleasure:

Strike Hard, Strike Fast, No Mercy!

Hello, Hangman. We meet again! This will be the reoccurring theme for whatever games the Hawks have left against the Canucks. Like I said before, I CERTAINLY don't expect a comeback, but it sure would be nice against this traveling douchebag circus from the Vancouver Clown College. The Hawks need to concentrate on keeping up the speed and intensity they had Tuesday night, and ride the wave. If Tuesday was the last Blackhawks home game of the season, we should all be at peace with it. For whom the bell tolls.

I'm not really sure what happened, or when it happened, but the Hawks came out like defending that Cup was actually important to them. They spotted themselves a 3-0 lead roughly halfway through the first. Could we have asked for more? Apparently the answer is YES! The Hawks weren't AS dominant in the second, but two more goals put the Hawks up 5-0 after the first 40 minutes of the game. The last twenty was purely ceremonial, because the Hawks were on lockdown and the Canucks were, well, just trying to save a little face. In the end, The Hawks got their statement shutout, and the Canucks were left wondering what the hell just happened. Looks like Trent Walker will get to see another game in Chicago. Who's the big winner? Deuce is the big winner! A toast to you, shit talkers!

The Good

• Boss 81, there you are! We've missed you, old friend! He opened up the scoring by rushing right up the gut of the ice, on the powerplay, and the Canucks defenders backed up somewhere into the third row of the seats. How you could give Boss that much room is beyond me. Morons! Skate, snipe, 1-0 Hawks! Say thank you, Boss.
  
• In what seemed like a bizarre replay of game four, Twenty four seconds later, Deuce AGAIN put a huge goal past Borat, before he was done licking his wounds from the Hossa goal. Hawks fans couldn't have had a bigger smile on their faces. Nothing pretty about it, as there was traffic in front and Deuce just blew it by Bobby Lu, who looked dumbfounded. Whats that tickle in your throat, big guy? Could it be a choke?
  
• For the first time all season, Deuce actually faked a shot and went around a defender. It took 87 games, but he eventually figured it out. That didn't result in a scoring chance, but shortly thereafter Deuce took a pass back and turned it into a prime powerplay chance, which turned it into a Kaner tip, and a 3-0 lead. This was like Christmas in April, and the Canucks were in desperation mode. How is your franchise goalie looking now, Canucklefucks? SO FUNNY!
  
• Soupie, yes BRIAN CAMPBELL, finally showed that a Chicago Blackawk could hit someone when he blasted Daniel Sedin in the neutral zone. WHERE has this team been all year, and more specifically the previous 3 games? Initiating contact, and being aggressive. I'm shocked, but I REALLY like it. The message finally got through.
  
• It could have EASILY been 4-0 with time left in the first, because of a Sharpie break-a-way that Bobby Lu actually stopped. That would have ended Borat's night early for the second game in a row, but he saved his ass, for the moment. Sharpie also missed one in the third on Schneider. Thank god THAT didn't kill the Hawks.
  
• The hits just kept on coming in the second period, as Boss 81 took a long break-a-way pass from dep in his own zone and ended Borat's night. See ya, Franchise boy!
  
• Deuce has been absolutely ON FIRE! He continued to be the norris trophy horse that we've all missed, from last year. He scored his second goal of the game to welcome Corey Schneider to the game. Again, nothing special, just traffic in front, and a nicely placed shot. His name might be Corey, but he is NO Crow!
  
• Just is case anyone was wondering, Kevin Bieksa and Alex Edler are a couple of degenerate pieces of trash. Keepin it classy, I see, Vancouver. All I'm going to say, is that karma is a bitch, and you'll get what you deserve. They are in the same category as Avery, Ott, Cooke, Gilles, and Torres. I'd like the NHL officials to tell me what happened to the original Elbowing penalty that Edler was going to get. The ref had his hand in the air for a delayed penalty, and all that happened was that T-Brouw got a slaching penalty. Good job dropping the ball again, NHL. We're owed a suspension. An elbow to the head is not a hockey play.

The Bad

• Sixteen seconds into the game and Daniel Sedin flails to the ice like a little girl to draw a crosschecking penalty, on Soupie. He deserved the little poke to the back of the head that Deuce gave him for playing it up. Little fairy, Bitch.
  
• HOW Raffi Bananaphone is still allowed to run around and injure Ben Smith just astounds me. Someone needs to end that guy's series. He is a spineless cretin that needs a taste of his own medicine. Cheapshot artist goes knee to knee like that, and he should have his ugly fucking head taken off. If the NHL wasn't such a bunch of wishy-washy gutless morons, he would have been sitting in the pressbox and not injuring Hawks.
  
• If Crawford bunghole wasn't puckered up with a two on one coming his way, and Big Show being the "one", it should have been. When Big Show makes a nice defensive play on you, you're having a BAD night.

The Ugly

• The Creepy Gingers were combined -2, which is a -9 in the past two games. That's CLUTCH!

Here are the video highlights for your viewing pleasure:

We're Not Dead Yet!

Where is One Trick Bick, and what have you done with him?


Dead Man Walking! That's what this Blackhawks team was, going into this game. Vancouver had pretty much done whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, while sharing the ice with the Blackhawks. Should we have expected any less from a team that didn't EARN their spot, but were instead, GIVEN it. No, we shouldn't. The series was 0-3 and the the Hawks were in SERIOUS danger of being swept at home, to end their Stanley Cup defense. Top make things even MORE interesting, Brent Seabrook was sitting, thanks to Raffi Bananaphone's blind sided, not playing the puck, "hockey play". Thank you NHL Wheel of Shame. Would the hangman spare the Hawks a painful death at home? OH WOULD HE!

The first period started like everyone would hope, with a highlight reel goal, but that excitement was short lived with a Vancouver powerplay goal. When all was said and done, the Hawks outshot the Nucks 13-7, which was not too bad if they could have managed another goal. Ask and ye shall receive. The Hawks opened up a whole truck load of whoop ass in the second. They scored 4 goals on 13 MORE shots, and only gave up 6 shots. Nothing makes Chicago fans happier than beating Detroit and embarrassing the Nucks netminder. The embarrassment was final when Borat was pulled in the third period, after the 6th goal, and the cherry on top was the last powerplay goal. No complaining here about a total jail rape, like this one.

Last nights game was a beautiful thing, and we should relish it. The Hawks buzzed around the UC like a Stanley Cup champ, and showed a little pride. NOW, Let's not all jump on the last train to Clarksville, and start proclaiming some Herculean comeback. This is STILL the same inconsistent Blackhawks, and they are STILL the Presidents Trophy winning Vancouver Canucks. Yes, I'll agree that there is now a slight glimmer of hope, where there wasn't 24 hours prior, but we ALL need to keep it on an even keel, and take each period, one at a time. The minute the Hawks and their fans start puffing out their chests and beating it like King Kong, is the minute overconfidence betrays them. Last I checked, Seven goals in a game still only equals one win, so this intensity needs to be kept up for three more. Unfortunately, nothing I've seen from this Hawks team makes me think they can keep it up at this pace. Who knows? Maybe this Raffi Bananaphone ordeal was the jolt they needed to make them want it. It would make for a beautiful story, but don't run to your bookie just yet.

The Good

• Where was THAT Edie Bickell and the New Bohemians all season? He turned Kevin Bieksa, who is as much a ballbag as a solid defender, around like a top and tucked it in around Borat's toe, in highlight fashion. If you asked me which Hawk would score a highlight reel goal to open the game, Bickell would have been right before John Scott.
  
• Brian Campbell cashed in on his second great chance of the second period, taking a pass from Kaner and beating Bobby Lu on his glove side, like "it ain't no thang". A few minutes prior, he had cleanly beat Sweaty Bobby Lu, but hit the post.
  
• Seventeen seconds later Deuce made up for the previously bad powerplay, taking a feed from Frodo, and putting it past Bobby Lu's bad flipper, while Bickell was blasting his bad breath in Bobo's face.
  
• After his goal Deuce looked like a completely different man. He was hungry for the puck and was as aggressive as we've seen him all year. It was REALLY nice to see the REAL Deuce make an appearance, as brief as it may be.
  
• As bad Bolland was in the first few shifts, he made up for it with the Hawks fourth goal of the game in the second period. Frodo used his speed to beat the Vancouver defenders and the puck squirted out to a wide open Bolly, who made it look easy, beating Bobo stick side this time.
  
• Goal number 4 of the second period was ANOTHER great play by Bolly, who poked a loose puck ahead and sent Frodo in on a break-a-way. Frodo gathered the puck in, eventually, and beat Borat once again. Oh the JOY this brought.
  
• The Cash Money Millionaires even jumped into the action on a powerplay in the third period, as Kaner fed Sharpie back door and it was 6-1. It was a gang bang and EVERYONE wanted to throw their junk in the action. Bobby Lu exited stage left soon thereafter. Beat it, you Sweaty Bitch.
  
• Sharpies second powerplay goal of the game was on a 4-on-3 after the Canucks turned into a bunch of little pouting little girls, and started with the low class cheap shots. That's one thing I can say about the Hawks. When they were getting beat, they NEVER turned into a bunch of meathead thugs. I guess once a thug, always a scumbag thug, and Torres is on the right team.
  
• As much as I cursed the Hawks management for throwing Bolland out there, after just unscrambling his coconut, I have to eat crow. He was THE difference in the game. I don't know HOW he could be, after sitting for over a month, but he was the X-Factor. In my defense, though, for 90% of the season, Dave Bolland was Invisi-Bolly, and not "The Rat". Whoever lit this flame under his ass needs a raise and a promotion. These are things I love to be wrong about, but no one could have predicted this outcome. It was all pipe dreams and speculation.
  
• The Gingers, Tomax and Xamot, were a combined -7. I LOVE IT!

The Bad

• As fast as Bolly took his first penalty back, the Hawks were digging the puck out of their own net. You really can't fault Crawford on the double deflection off Johnson AND Campbell. It was literally a pinball goal, and the Hawks tilted. Some cobwebs up there, Davey? That's NOT the contribution we were looking for, from Bolly, but he made up for it BIG TIME later in the game.
  
• No sooner does the Bolland penalty end on the goal, and Deuce takes a bad penalty on Sissy Torres. I'm glad we need our best skater to take a stupid penalty on that complete waste of space. Isn't there anyone else that can go after him? Don't answer that.
  
• The Hawks spent the first 45 seconds of their first powerplay in what looked like a Wimbledon tennis match, as Deuce sent two TERRIBLE passes the length of the rink and the Canucks sent them back.
  
• Big Show was a plus 1, with one shot on net and two stupid 10 minute misconducts. He just looks like a big stupid animal out there, because no one even wants to entertain his shenanigans. He dropped his gloves and tried to get Tanner Glass to dance, but there wasn't a soul on the ice looking to fight him. CSN didn't show what went down with Torres, late in the game, but HE obviously didn't want to taste the fist of Big Show, either. I guess that's respect, in some weird way.
  
• After all the anticipated Vancouver douchebag thugery, Daniel Sedin slipped in behind Stromboli after a faceoff, and redirected an Ehrhoff pass past Crow. Who gives a shit at this point? Take it.

The Ugly

• Did someone threaten Kane's life if he touched the puck? He avoided it at all costs, in that first period, and parts of the second. Something was amiss, because he usually WANTS the puck on his stick.
  
• Kevin Bieksa is really just a big bully. He wants nothing to do with someone his own size, but he's more than happy to drop the gloves with the fighting enigma that is Viktor Stalberg. You beat up on a 3rd line speedster with pillow fists, AFTER he laid you out. Congrats, you're a big man!

Here are the video highlights for your viewing pleasure:

Bring Out Yer Dead!

Hey there, Vince Vaughn. Can you make the Sedin's heads bleed, please?
Roenick is available and willing, I'm sure.


Two down and two to go. Sunday night was game three of the opening round of the playoffs and the Hawks went in down two games to none. The good part for the Hawks was that they were at home. As unsuccessful as they were in the first two tilts, they were also going to have to make some changes. Would it make a difference in their play, and could the UC crowd help power them past a better team? These are all questions that would be answered after game 3. Either they were going to make a series of this, or they were going to be on the verge of a sweep against, and some time on the golf course.

The first period was BY FAR the best period of the series, for the Hawks. They came out looking dangerous and committed. They ended up out shooting the Nucks 16-10 with the help of 4 powerplays, BUT only netted a 1-0 lead going into the first break. The second period was in the Canucks favor thanks to a bad Hawks penalty. The won the period two one, but the score was still tied 2-2. Another critical third period on the way. As we've seen all year, the Hawks couldn't hold it together for the third period and walked out of the UC with a 3-2 loss and an 0-3 series deficit. This playoff beard won't make it to the end of the week.

The Good

• The Hawks opened up MUCH batter than the previous two games with several big chances heading the other way. This is the first time in the series that they have even resembled a playoff team, but couldn't plunge the knife deep into the wound.
  
• Dr. Linebender had some interesting combinations last night. The lines were as follows: Kane-Toews-Smith, Stalberg-Frolik-Hossa, Sharp-Kruger-Brouwer, Pisani-Dowell-Scott at forward, and Keith-Leddy, Hjalmarsson-Seabrook, Campoli-Campbell on Defense.
  
• Four seconds in to their first powerplay, Deuce took a clean faceoff win from El Capitan, took one stride in, and put a well placed laser past Bobby Lu, to send the UC crowd into a FRENZY. THAT is what your captain and alternate captain should be doing.
  
• Cashing in on a Raffi Torres absolute douchebag cheap shot, Sharpie took a feed from Toews and deposited it past Borat. That's a way to make them pay, on what should have been a 5 minute powerplay.
  
• Brent Seabrook is a complete stud, period. The way he was lit up by Torres for two shifts in a row, and how he powered through it, needs to be pointed out. That's toughness and leadership. Fuck anyone who thinks otherwise.
  
• Toews, Snake, and Sharpie were all positive at the circles. Even Frodo was 50%. Not that it mattered.

The Bad

• Well, when I said changes, I CERTAINLY never intended to see Big Show, but we got him. With injuries to Ryan Johnson, Tomas Kopecky, and Bryan Bickell, I guess we had no choice. He played with Dog, and Snake for most of the game. That line does absolutely nothing for me. I don't care how much Steve and Pat want to play it up, it's a BRUTAL line. The most comical thing I saw all night was Big Show 1:12 of POWERPLAY time. That's not a typo, folks. Now, Buff was overrated, but Show is not, nor will he EVER be, Dustin Byfuglien. So, lets cut that silly shit out right now, Dr. Linebender. That just insults my hockey knowledge.
  
• About 15 seconds into a stupid Big Show penalty, Christian Ehrhoff blasts an open point shot past Crow. Glad we had Scott out there to swing the momentum in Vancouver's direction. His physical presence was priceless. Aside from that, Crow really had a great look at that shot, but sometimes the easy ones sneak by, I suppose.
  
• Fifty four seconds after the powerplay goal, the Nucks Alex Edler made Nick Leddy LOOK like a 20 year old rookie, carried the puck towards the net and dished it off to Daniel Sedin, who whacked away like Paul Bunyan, and got it past Crow.
  
• Mikael Samuelsson put the Nucks up, midway through the third, off a 3rd rebound shot. Vancouver took advantage of a bad match up with Smith/Kruger/Pisani out on the ice, even though Kruger went for a change before the goal was scored.
  
• I'm so fed up with Pat Foley always saying "Where's Daniel" when Henrik has the puck and vice versa. We get it, Pat, seriously. That was old 2 games ago.

The Ugly

• The Hawks played much more physical, but they had SEVERAL chanced to light up an opponent in the open ice, and passed them up. This is ice hockey, boys, not Dancing with the Stars.
  
• Raffi Torres is a CLASSLESS CEMENTHEAD plain and simple. I can't emphasize what a huge mistake the officiating crew made by not booting that fucking lowlife. Thankfully the league will deal with him, but he needed to be DESTROYED by someone for that elbow on Seabrook. That is where John Scott should have gotten suspended for ending Torres. Instead, the Hawks let him prance around the ice for the remainder on the game. No consequences. Anyway, If we see Torres on the ice, in this series, I'd be shocked and outraged. He SHOULD be tossed for the remainder of the playoffs.
  
• Kaner, enough of the dancing around waiting for a prefect powerplay chance. When you're skating through the slot, with the puck on your stick, WORK YOUR MAGIC and get it to the net. Even if he flipped floater towards the net for a tip or rebound, at least it's a shot on net. Do you really have the luxury of being picky?

Here are the video highlights for your viewing, or vomitting pleasure:

Special thanks to my friend Pete for the titles of the last two recaps.

Les Miserables

Here is was. All that talk about "well they lost the first came to the Canucks the last two years too", can be put to rest. Excuses are like assholes, everyone has them. Yes, the game was closer; Yes, they actually scored; Yes, they actually looked like they could compete. BUT, they also showed that the sloppiness wasn't just from first first game playoff jitters. This team is just not that good. Good teams like the Canucks will jump on mistakes and make the Hawks pay, and that's what top notch teams are suppose to do, to 8th place teams. I still stand by my prediction of Canucks in 6, because the Hawks CAN fall into 2 wins. Four? Absolutely not, and if you truly believe that, you need to be medicated.

The first period seemed to start similar to game 1, but after the first Canucks goal, the Hawks settled things down. Unfortunately, they couldn't score themselves, and went into the second down 1-0. The Canucks made sure they didn't waste any time in the second putting a goal in very early, and a goal in VERY late, but the Hawks were finally able to get one of their own. Down two, going into the third. THIS is a sad and familiar story. The third period had more action and more scoring. The Hawks scored 2 goals, and the Canucks iced the game with one of their own. All things considered, the Hawks showed potential late in the game.

The Good

• Boss 81 had a few chances in the first half of the game, but couldn't finish. It's kind of hard to get a shot off, when you're carrying Dan Hamhuis as a backpack, I'd imagine.
  
• FINALLY, the Blackhawks put one in past Bobby Lu, and the line of Marcus Kruger, Ben Smith and Bryan Bickell were the unlikely group to do it. Bickell chipped the puck in and threw a low, bad angle shot at Luongo and he didn't control it. Smith was sitting in front of the net wide open and picked up the puck for an easy tap in. We'll take it. After going down 0-2, they could have easily packed it in.
  
• A second Blackhawks player scored his first Playoff goal brought the game back within one goal. Viktor Stalberg, scored his first just minutes into the third. Not only that, but previously invisible and healthy scratched Marcus Kruger collected his second "plus" of the night (at that point).
  
• Ben Smith was an absolute BEAST all night, and scored his second goal of the game off a Frodo shot that Bobby Lu kicked right out in front of his net. Smitty said thank you, and put it in the back of the net. Opportunities, guys. Unfortunately, he was STILL a minus 1 on the night. That back end needs to be improved.
  
• Believe it or not, the Hawks actually dominated in the faceoff circles; except for Frodo (33%). I didn't think there were worse faceoff men than Kopecky, but Stan Bowman needed to prove me wrong. When Bad Flipper Brouwer is taking over your faceoffs, you're bad. He's a good little winger, but lets cut this center shit out, pronto! Otherwise, El Capitan (61%), Brouwer (80$), Freddy Kruger, Johnson, Sharpie (All 100%), were as good as can be asked.
  
• Strombli was Plus 3 on the night, and I have NO idea how.

The Bad

• Superb start to the game as Deuce and Seabs gave up a CLEAR 2-on-0, but it got better than that. The two players you ask? The Ginger Twins. How do you let TWO people, THAT dangerous, in on your rookie goalie? Once again, Crow bailed them out, and I'm going to say it right now. After this season he DESERVES to be overpaid, because NO ONE has had his back.
  
• Jannik Hansen bit the Hawks in the ass again, with the first goal of the game. Nick Leddy and Ben Smith got hypnotized by Daniel Sedin's creepy ginger mug as he controlled the puck behind the net. They allowed Hansen sneak in and be fed for the goal by Sedin. Looked like not a single thing had changed from game one.
  
• Niklas Hjalmarsson has been getting his dick beat into the glass for two straight games. He HAS to be hurting, because he has absorbed some HUGE checks, and I'm convinced that he is going to spontaneously combust before the series is over.
  
• Thirty seconds into the second period, Duece and Seabs let Daniel Sedin stand all alone in front of Crow and tip and Ehrhoff shot past him. Here they were down 2 again, and not even close to competing. How do you let one of the most dangerous scorers in the league stand inches front of your goaltender, and there isn't a defender within 5 feet of him? Really...I'm asking.
  
• Seabrook turned the puck over TWICE in his own zone on the same play while the Hawks were on the powerplay. Really pathetic when a player can beat you 1-on-2 TWICE!

The Ugly

• Just when we all thought the Hawks had the momentum and with thirteen seconds left in the second period, the Hawks gave up an AWFUL redirection to put themselves down 3-1. You just CAN'T be giving up ugly goals like that, in the playoffs. Help a Crawford out, guys.
  
• The fourth Nucks goal is one Crow NEEDS back. Dan Sedin is a legit NHL sniper, but his defense was in decent position. Sedin weaved in, and snapped it past Crow on a long one.
  
• Of all the goals and great plays made in this game Kaner and Soupie are the only big money guys that even drew points. Secondary assists at that. Listen to this lineup of allstars: Smitty, Frodo, Bick, Pick-to-Click Vik, and Crow. You have to get SOME production from the Cash Money Millionaires.

Here are the video highlights for your viewing pleasure:

Smoldering Decay - Game 1

It began last night. Sixteen wins to go, to repeat as Stanley Cup champs. There isn't going to be an easy series along the way, either. At this point, it is what it is. We have to forget the previous 82 games, and hope for growth and maturity. The road goes through Vancouver, IN Vancouver. Not only that, but the Presidents Trophy winning Canucks. Can the Hawks finally play consistent? Can they hold a lead? We were one game closer to those answers last night.

The first period was a complete embarrassment and an insult to Blackhawks fans. The Hawks were out hit, out played, out shot, out glassed and out scored. Quite frankly, they were lucky that they only went into the second down 2-0. It could only get better from there, right? The second period WAS better, as the Hawks out shot the Nucks 15-13, but came away with no goals. The Hawks were put to task on something they didn't do well all year, which was chase a two goal deficit in the third period. We should all know how that has worked out. With the help of some posts, the Hawks were shut out. But HEY, this is how the Nuck series started the last two times, right? These are two completely different teams. COMPLETELY!

The Good

• The Hawks finally started to generate some pressure in the second half of the second period. Couple of posts, a couple of nice Bobby Lu saves, but no goals. That was the story of the rest of the game.
  
• GREAT poke check by Crow on Kevin Bieksa, who was sneaking out of the penalty box. That would have been the nail in the coffin.
  
• Yes, I'm a goalie, but the fact remains that if Crawford hadn't played well, the game would have been 4-0 in the first. Neither of the goals were his fault.

The Bad

• It was clear early that the Canucks were out to run Crow and rattle him. Not only were they out to rattle Crow, but they were blasting anything or anyone that moved. Natural reaction would be to return some hits. Last night was not natural, and the Hawks looked like a bunch of soft cream puffs.
  
• The Nucks struck early with a Chris Higgins deflection of a Kevin Bieksa point shot. This was an inevitable result, the way the Hawks were turning it over in their own zone and getting pummeled.
  
• The Nucks took a 2-0 lead on a Jannick Hansen break-a-way. Deuce not only got his lazy ass pocket picked while trying to dial in some defenders shin pads, but then stood there waving at Crow to come get it (thanks for the effort, Deuce). Hansen beat Hossa and then Crawford for the two nil lead. I cannot emphasize ENOUGH what a poppycock idea Deuce had, thinking Crow could jump out to the god damn BLUE LINE, to bail his ass out. I sympathized with Crow when he raised his arms up, as if to say, "What the fuck, man?!". Giving up on the play and pouting because you were a stupid in the offensive end is BUSH LEAGUE.
  
• Hey Kaner? A two and a half foot high pass on a 2-on-1 isn't going to get the fucking job done. You might as well just fire it at the net and hope for a rebound. Instead? Not...even...a...shot! Just to make sure we saw it the first time around, he gave us a repeat performance in the second period. I love encores. There is that Stanley Cup experience kicking in.
  
• All year we were hearing abut this hitting juggernaut that is Troy Brouwer. Lets get one thing straight...In reality, he is just the tallest midget. He has the most hits on this team because there isn't a SOUL on this roster that can hit, other than Brent Seabrook. Welcome to reality Blackhawk nation and don't say I didn't try to warn you.
  
• Duncan, Duncan, Duncan... you get out skated on a shorthanded 3-on-2 against, and then you turn it back over when the break fell apart. Blackhawk leadership is looking good, guys! At least Sharpie LOOKED like he cared.
  
• Just blame that missed break-a-way pass to Hoss on the shoulder, Brouw. That's the "go to" move. Can't hit anyone, can't possibly getting 100% on his shots, and can't pass either because he's hurt. Well what good has THAT provided?
  
• Hoss turns it over HIGH in the zone on the powerplay, which turns into a huge 2-on-1 in his own end. Crow once again had to bail his teammates out.
  
• For the first time in recent memory, Ryan Johnson was mushroom stamped at the faceoff dots, only winning 33%. Frodo was his usual 33%, El Capitan was 53%, and Snake was 43%.
  
• Dr. Linebender didn't know WHAT to do with his matchups last night. It was a Shanghai Fire Drill throughout the first period and just continued. With Ryan Johnson, Tomas Kopecky and Troy Brouwer ailing, this is going to get even more interesting. Don't say I didn't point out their lack of depth before, but it's about to become VERY apparent.

The Ugly

• Well, Well, Well. I guess strutting into the arena with your chest puffed up, and Stanley Cup rings on your ding dongs doesn't do much to intimidate the team with the best record in the NHL, does it?
  
• Thanks for killing off that last powerplay for Vancouver, Brouwer. Welcome back, dumb shit. Sit your injured upper body, and your big soft dopey ass in the fucking press box.
  
• The scariest part of this whole game is that Ryan Kesler, and the Ginger Twins had nothing to do with the scoring. WHEN the primary scorers get hot, there will be blood.

Here are the video highlights for your viewing pleasure:

Zebra Hunting

Quenneville decided that he needed to see a little more Marty Turco in net, and it was going to be interesting to see how that would factor in. The first period ended up with the Nucks going up 1-0 late in the period. In the second the Hawks scored 2, but the Nucks scored again late in the period to tie up the game. As you would expect, the third period was a complete dogfight. Unfortunately, the Hawks continued to get no help from the officiating crew and went home 4-3 losers.

The Good

• Finally something good happened for the Hawks, 5 minutes into the second. Captain Serious decided he wanted the puck more than the Nucks Malhotra, and easily out muscled him, took the puck, walked in and picked Borat apart. Watching Borat Bobby-Lu pout after giving that goal up had to make every Hawks fan laugh.
  
• Five minutes later NICK BOYNTON, of all people, had a goal go off his big slow body and into the net. More for Bobby-Lu to cry about. The fan in the background while Boynton was celebrating that was clearly saying "Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you" made me chuckle a bit.
  
• Pick-To-Click Vik has been playing with more of an edge, as of late. Someone had to have given him a talk, because he has a new more gritty attitude. This can only be good for him, because he was being manhandled for most if the season.
  
• I never get tired of seeing stupid goals go in on Borat. I could watch those over and over. Bolland and Bick were coming in on a 2-on-2 and Bolland motioned for Bickell to throw it at the net, and Bobby-Lu directed the rebound right to Bolland who blindly threw it back at the net. That is when the Nucks Tanner tried to glove the paukc, directing it right into the net. HILARIOUS!
  

The Bad

• Just over three minutes in and the combo of One Trick Bick and Bolly found themselves in on a 2-on-1. Of course, that is far too much for Bickell to process and he couldn't get the Bolly return pass into his wheelhouse. Chance averted.
  the same thing happened later as a Kaner couldn't take a feed from Bick.
  
• Once again, the Hawks were screwed by a waved off goal. Power Brouwer was screening Bobby-Lu and Bolly put a nice shot in the net. Of course, Bobby-Lu whined like a little girl and got his way. Brouwer never even touched him, but it's clear that if you go to the net, he'll get rattled. The play also started with Campbell and Kaner setting up the play nicely.
  
• He might be a talented guy, but his style and his whiny attitude makes me absolutely HATE Luongo. Toughen up, you little girl.
  
• The second Nucks goal really wasn't Turco's fault. The Hawks were shorthanded and the shot was deflected. The PK warm and fuzzies couldn't last forever. Unfortunately it was yet another goal in the final minutes of a period. That's UNACCEPTABLE.
  
• Shortly after the Hawks went up, Brent Seabrook was called for a questionable penalty and the Nucks went to work. It didn't take them long as Tomax and Xamot, the ginger boys, connected to tie up the game.
  
• Tomax and Xamot were at it again with 4 minutes remaining, as they zigged and zagged, and then put a shot off Brent Seabrook's leg, that just fluttered in. That's your game winner folks, What the hell?
  

The Ugly

• As has happened too often this year, the first Nucks goal was a bad one. Inside two minutes, and Turco lets a LONG shot in from Erhoff. You can say he was screened by Skille, but he had plenty of room to pick it up. As it turned out the play was actually offsides, so just swell on that one.
  
• The Hawks continue to have issues with 5-on-3 powerplays. I don't know how that can be, but ts the case.
  
• I'm not sure was up the officials asses but it wasn't good. SEVERAL times there were calls made that hurt the Hawks. I'm not one to blame games on the officials, but this game was BRUTALLY AWFUL.
  

Here are the video highlights for your viewing pleasure:

Baba-Lu Get Revenge

The game started slow with a couple of chances, but even the Malhotra breakaway ended up not being much. After a couple of powerplays both ways, the First ended 0-0. The Canucks got a lucky rebound and Tanner Glass put it past Turco, for the only scoring of the second. The Nucks added two so/so goals in the third and the Hawks were shut out for the first time this season.

The Good
I like to see Morin on the PP, and I like to see him coming to his teammates aid. He set up Sharpie for a nice play in the second that Sharpie put over the net. Great feed! Just too bad it amounted to a hill of beans. The kid belongs in Chicago, though.

The PK looked excellent, early on. They're really missing Pisani out there, aren't they? Not much you can do when 2 of the 3 goals are scored even strength. Even the powerplay goal wasn't exactly their fault.

Captain Serious made a gorgeous move around the Nucks d-man, but couldn't hit the net. Again, no conversion.

Glad to see TomoKop answering my callouts with two of the Hawks best chances, but put the fucking puck in the net! His penalties didn't exactly help either.

The Bad
The Canucks first goal by Tanner Glass was a result of Big Show Scott not being able to carry the puck in the neutral zone, but you have to clear the rebound or cover the fucking puck as it's siting there in front of you. The Canucks turned it back and eventually picked up a juicy rebound, and stuffed it in the net.

The Second goal, on the Nucks Powerplay, was all Turco. Ehrhoff just snapped a beautiful writer that sniped Turco. C'mon Marty, you're making me look like a real asshole. I'm to a point where I feel more comfortable with Crawford in there. I've defended Turco since before he even signed here, but it's looking more and more like he's going to end up as a backup. Now, of course, that goal never mattered because the Hawks couldn't put a single puck in on Vancouver.

The last goal was really a nothing goal, because the Hawks were pinching and looking to start something. You'd like to see Turco recover better than that. After the Goal went in, Turco slowly rolled over like a beaten man. He's just not looking confident anymore. There was a shot fired off the post with about 2 and a half left in the third too, that Turco looked lethargic on. I'm sorry, Marty, because I like you, but you belong on the bench.

The Ugly
The Hawks home troubles continue. It's not that the Hawks didn't generate chances, they just never finished (that's what she said). Borat just had an excellent game. Every bounce and rebound went his way. He earned the shutout. As much as Eddie and Pat tried to jinx him by saying "shutout" it just didn't matter. The Canucks only managed 18 shots, which is not bad

I'm not sure exactly why Pick-To-Click Vik sat the bench for the latter half of the game, but if it was for his play, it wasn't deserved. I saw him playing with Sharpie and Skille for one shift in the third. Who really knows what is going on with that.

Here are the video highlights for your viewing pleasure:

Reigning at Club Baba-Lu

Assclown Kevin Bieksa does his dolphin impression

Now, that's a LITTLE more like it. Moustachio shook up the lines and it seemed to light a fire under the asses of the Hawks. Crawford was in net and he deserved to be after the lackluster effort by Turco last night.

Let me also add that I absolutely LOVE the "green men" of Vancouver. Every time the Hawks got a penalty they made me laugh my ass off. My hat goes off to them, because they are about as entertaining as any fan in sports. If you don't find these guys funny, you have no sense of humor:


The Good
Well, what do you know? The Hawks actually DO care. When they play Vancouver, that is. I know this will go overlooked, but Corey Crawford played an excellent game. He deserves a lot of credit. Early on, when it was close, he kept the puck out of the net on a few nice chances. He deserves the shutout, but it's hard to stay sharp on D when you have a 7 goal lead. Boss 81 had a nice three point night, as well.

Captain Serious set off the nights festivities with a nice tip of a Boss 81 pass. Jonny B Goode started off the scoring the other night in Edmonton and he opened up the floor gates in Vancouver.

Troy Brouwer finally showed that he has some nuts in that jockstrap, with a great power move to the net. That's the first time all season that I've seen Brouwer care enough to do something positive. Maybe he could clue Bolland in on how to join the action.

Finally, the powerplay decided to start clicking with the Seabrook goal. What more can be said? Baba-Lu should have had that one, but its so fun watching Baba-Lu give up weak goals.

As bad as they looked against Calgary, they looked that GOOD last night. Sharpie put the exclamation mark on Baba-Lu's night with a slick little goal. I'm sorry, but Luongo might be the most overrated goalie in the league. He's clearly a serviceable goalie but he gets WAY too much credit. Crybaby little girl.

Cory Schnieder really didn't get much more help, and you can tell what kind of welcome it is when Fernando Pisani is sniping you; TWICE! Not only that, but BRYAN BICKELL, and DAVID FUCKING BOLLAND were the ones that fed him the puck. Yikes! That still doesn't count as a Dave Bolland sighting, and I'm tired of pointing out that he's been completely ineffective.

PAT by Kaner...against douchebag Kevin Bieksa...eat shit Vancouver and your Club Baba-Lu.

The Bad
Giving up a shorthanded 3-on-1 is just sad. C'mon guys. They can thank Seabrook and Crawford for bailing their asses out on that crap.

I really can't complain, but the calls against Vancouver were really 50/50. The Hawks looked really good, but Vancouver didn't get much help from the officials. What I say to that is, "Waaaa!".

Kevin Bieksa is a complete assclown. Crosschecking a defenseless guy in the back when you're down 6-0, and then punching him in the back of the head? Really? Scumbag.

The Ugly
I still hate this Brouwer-Bolland-Kopecky crap on the powerplay. It's BRUTAL. I don't know what Quenneville sees in this, but it's not working. I guess Stalberg or Skille aren't a better option, eh? Can't he just give it a try? For my sanity? I'm tired of cursing them out on every powerplay. I get that Bickell and Pisani earned some PP time later in the game, but Skille and Stalberg deserve more, as well.

When Andrew Alberts got his penalty against Troy Brouwer, in the second, you could clearly hear someone on the ice say, "Fuck you, Alberts". Hilarious. Someone call the FCC.

Here are the video highlights:

Extra Time for a Threesome

I can't really say I wish I was at this game, because after the first half of the first period, it was like watching your mother get a Brazilian Wax. The Hawks got their two points, so we'll take it. As a goaltender, I absolutely hate shootouts. They don't always reflect how the rest of the game went, but I get that they are exciting for fans (gag,wretch,vomit). This should be brief, because there isn't much to rant about. Onward...

The Good
Boss 81 once again dominated the ice, but his scoring streak came to an end. Canucks fans can yap about Sedin and his MVP from last year, but that guy doesn't scare me, or anyone on the Hawks for that matter. Marian Hossa is ten times more dangerous, and could exceed my prediction of roughly 45 goal, at this pace. That's something I would love to be wrong about.

The Rodney Dangerfields of this team were two of the best players on the ice all night. Victor Stalberg and Jack Skille absolutely deserve more playing time. I don't give a shit what The Great Moustachio has to do, but they cannot be ignored any longer. They average far less time than any other line and yet they contribute more of a spark than that utterly painful line of Bickell/Bolland/Pisani. Stalberg has scored for two straight games, and Skille was taking the puck HARD to the net all night. What more does this line have to do? Skille was rewarded for his hard nosed play by getting the least amount of ice time, of any Hawk.

All three Hawks scored in the shootout, so you can't ask for more than that. Even though two of the three goals were fairly lucky. And to think, Boss 81 didn't even get a shot. That's a lethal shootout lineup. Not many teams in this league have options like this.

Marty the Midget looked even more cool calm and collected in net, and deserved a shutout. How many whacks are you seriously going to let them have at your goalie, guys? I never get enough of his aggressiveness and composure. I'm very happy to see him settling in. Where are all those dopey Turco haters now? Not so quick to open your yaps now, are ya? How's that Antti Niemi looking in Cali? Not all that impressive, with his .879 save percentage. I'll still take our Midget, thank you.

The Bad
Davey Bolland, I know you're out there, I can hear you breathing. The search team is being briefed and they are on their way. SIT HIM, PLEASE! Wake his ass up, with a healthy scratch. That line itself needs to be demoted to #4, for at least a game. Now, Fernando Pisani and Bryan Bickell don't exactly drip talent, but let's get this season rolling, gentlemen. I'm starting to think that we should call this line Fence, because there is no O in their game and they have to take a penalty to see Pisani do anything worthwhile.

The powerplay really looked ineffective, but it's one game. You can't score on every one. Bad? Yes, but hardly worrisome. The penalty kill let up the PP goal to Sedin.

John Scott and Jassen Cullimore were back to using their fat asses to warm the bench(snore), while Nick Boynton had the second most ice time, to Dunc. Yes, I said NICK BOYNTON. Culli, and Scott had around 9 minutes each, and at least Scott was back on defense, where he looks least awkward.

The Ugly
Really, there wasn't much ugly. The Refs weren't exactly stellar last night. There were a few more times when the Hawks deserved powerplays, but once again, it didn't end up costing them.

Here are the video highlights:

Carnac the Magnificent : 2010/11 Blackhawks Predictions

The day of reckoning is finally here. Opening night in the NHL, and the first Blackhawks title defense in almost half a century. All summer long, whether it was the dopey bandwagon fans or the idiot interweb wise asses with their "haterade", not many people have given the team a chance to repeat. Lets face it, repeating in ANY sport is difficult, and with roughly 30% of your roster playing elsewhere this year, it will be a battle. Since every other person with a keyboard or a 3G phone is giving their prediction, I figure that I'd be the odd asshole out, if I didn't give mine. So without further ado, drumroll please...

The answer is: 45-28-9...45-28-9
The question is: What will the Blackhawks record be on April 11th, 2011?
The view is that the team had an excellent year last year, but there will be many more periods of struggling this season. They open up without the person that was their best powerplay quarterback, Brian Campbell. There will be chemistry problems, and more lineup shifting than we're accustomed to, but Quenneville will find a way to make things work. Making the playoffs is the goal, and they will do that easily.

The answer is: 69 minus 10...69 minus 10
The question is: How many games will Marty Turco start?
The view is that Turco is the old, and by old I do still mean younger than me, mule that "Q" will ride into the sunset. Age or injuries aside, that's what Marty the Midget is use to. He took his benching last year in stride, but he knew he was leaving. He didn't sign a one year deal at a highly discounted rate here to watch Corey Crawford eat up minutes, and because Turco the anti-Huet, Crawford will be required to play less.

The answer is: 33-20-6...33...20...and 6
The question is: What will Marty the Midget's record, at season's end?
The view is that Marty is the man, and there is no need to crowbar Corey Crawford in there. Marty will be fine, and he will set the regular season assist record for Blackhawks goaltenders.

The answer is: Shooter's McDreamy understudy, The Swedish Rocket
The question is: Who is Carnac's pick as biggest surprise Blackhawk player?
The view is that there is a new gunfighter in town ,and his name is Victor Stalberg. By gunfighter I don't mean sniper, although I have a sneaking suspicion that he'll score quite a few. I mean resident panty dropper. Once the puck bunnies get a load of this guy, Sharpie's woman can finally breathe a sigh of relief. On the ice, he has all the tools to be a solid power forward, he just needs to apply himself. He had a slow preseason, but showed flashes of blazing speed and soft hands. I'm sticking by my pre-preseason pick.

The answer is: Big Hoss, and Patrick the Pimp
The question is: Who will lead the team in goals, and points?
The view is that Hossa has looked, far and away, the most dominant Hawk since February of last season. When he has the puck, it doesn't leave his stick until he wants someone else to have it. Chuck Norris will be wearing a Marian Hossa costume for Halloween. The Hoss, not to be confused with the Hoff, will probably eclipse 40 goals, and could net somewhere in the high 40's. Not a bold prediction, I know, but a safe one. Kaner will lead the team in points, because he is simply a point producing dynamo, as well as a drunken bar slut magnet. The only thing that will slow him down is the women hanging on his pant legs. When Kaner is done beating the women off with his Stanley Cup ring wearing pimp hand, he'll be a scoring and passing machine. Look for 35 goals and 60 assists. He's improved his goal scoring every year, and not even hot tubs full of champagne and Wrigleyville hussies can slow him down.

The answer is: Drew "Dont You" Doughty
The question is: Who will unseat Keith as the Norris Trophy winner?
The view is that the NHL has been hyping Doughty since the day after Keith won it. If it were up to me, Keith would get a 5 year lease of it, but the league is pushing younger stars to bring in the youth. It's quite amusing that at 27, anyone would be considered old, but Keith will continue to be a candidate for years to come. Keith would gladly let Doughty borrow it for a year while he wins another cup, I'm sure.

The answer is: Vancouver CaFucks
The question is: Who is Carnac's pick to win the Western Conference?
The view is that I hope I'm proven wrong, but I see the CaFucks finally making a move to the next level. They stocked up on defense and Luongo doesn't have to deal with the Big Fluff this year. Tomax and Xamot are a fierce ginger duo with some crazy telepathic powers. The LA Kings are also going to make a run, but they are a few years away. The popular pick is Detoilet, but they are another year older, and more fragile, and I refuse to believe that they defy nature. I hope I'm proven wrong, and the Hawks repeat, but it's a competitive league.

The answer is: Philly Cheesesteaks and Pittsburgh Black Lung
The question is: What teams will be teams to beat in the East?
The view is that the two Pennsylvania teams are powerhouses. Philly's defense got BETTER, if you can imagine that, and Pittsburgh is an offensive juggernaut. If Philly can figure out their goaltending sitiation, they'll be just fine. War-shing-ton and Bawston will have something to say, but the road to the Eastern Conf is Route 76, and it goes from Philly to Pittsburgh. With the Capitals goaltending situation, they are better playing without one and putting an extra defenseman out there. Boston has some promise, and a talented young goalie, but I still don't see a great deal of offense from them.


There you have it. Those are my random predictions. If anyone wants my opinion on other subjects, feel free to email them to me at PuckinHostile@gmail.com.